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Has this happened to you?
Husband: I am going over to Rick's house to watch the game with the guys.
Is that ok with you?
Wife: Sure, go ahead
Alright then, I should be back around 7.
Wife: Are you really going to leave me alone with the kids all afternoon by myself?
Husband: But you said it was alright with you.
Wife: Well, I didn't mean it.
Husband: How am I supposed to know that?
Wife: If you would listen to me once in a while, you would know what I mean.
Husband: Why can't you just say what you mean? Why do I have to guess all the time?
Ugh! Sometimes I feel like I am talking to a child. Why do I have to spell everything out to you! Just go to your stupid game. I don't want you to stay here anyway.
(storms out):
Fine, I'm leaving.
Lack of effective communication is a very common problem in marriages today. Most couples never really learn to speak to each other effectively. We recently commissioned a study at my counseling center to determine the leading motivation for couples seeking professional marriage help. Our findings showed that almost 80% came because they were experiencing trouble communicating with each other.
"My husband and I stopped really talking to each other. We still gave over the essential information to make our family run efficiently, but we never shared our feelings, ideas, dreams and passions anymore. I figured that this was better than the fighting and bickering that we used to do. At least there was peace in our home. But the price to pay for this serenity was a sense of emptiness and longing. We just didn't know how to snap, out of this apathy. A friend of mine recommended your website to us and told us to go right to the communication section. She said that she feels like she is now talking to her husband for the very first time, and this is after ten years of marriage! This is exactly how my husband and I now feel. We have a renewed closeness. We are actually talking to each other again. Thank you for all your good work. Keep it up!" Sharon - New York
This makes a lot of sense. Communication is very difficult at the best of times. But within a marriage, there are so many added complications: emotionally charged encounters, expectations of intimacy and connection, the need to be understood and, of course, the fact that men and women are very, very different.
"I grew up in a family that never really communicated with each other. After I got married, my wife became more and more frustrated with me and I didn't understand why. This is what I was used to. She didn't have the skills to teach me how to talk to her. Your website showed us the essential foundations of communication and how to apply them to our marriage. They were clear and easy to implement, which I especially appreciated. I am not perfect, and I still fall into my old ways now and then, but we are on the right track." Jim - Portland
So much frustration in a marriage is caused by someone feeling that they are not being listened to and by feeling as if they are not understood. If we could just learn how to really listen to each other and how to truly comprehend the meaning behind each others words, so much of the angst would be removed from our relationships.
"My husband now listens to me, thanks to your communication seminar. I used to feel as though he would run away at the sight of me coming, if he saw that I wanted to talk. I really believe that I used to bore him so much. Part of the problem was that he felt unsuccessful at it, and I would let him know how right he was. And now, by just applying a few of your skills, things have really approved. By him just trying to listen, so much of the tension has just left our marriage. Amazing!" Susan - Boca Raton
But, where do we learn these communication skills? They are not even taught to us in school as an essential course. Why not? This is arguably the most vital ability we need to attain as a foundation for healthy relationships, and we are expected to learn it by trial and error. The problem is that we have developed destructive communication habits that we continue to repeat over and over again, and it usually takes a crisis to jolt us into finding alternative ways of relating to each other.
"It is incredible how just using the 'I-messages' has improved my marriage. It is not difficult at all to do, but the rewards have been huge. My husband no longer feels criticized by me when we talk and he doesn't become so defensive. He now is even opening up to me more. I can't wait to start using the rest of your tools." Sara - Dallas
This seminar was created to help couples communicate. We simply need to relearn effective communication techniques. There are two basic foundations for successful communication:
    1. Good (empathetic) listening skills, and
    2. Basic language (verbal and non-verbal) comprehension.
These are easy-to-use steps. Follow them and you will find you and your spouse communicating more often and more effectively.
In this program, you will learn to:
  • Communicate using empathetic listening skills,
  • Speak using "I-messages",
  • Give the time and attention to talk with your spouse,
  • Increase your spouses self-esteem and confidence,
  • Gain your spouse's cooperation,
  • Reduce stress and tension in your marriage,
  • Build teamwork,
  • Gain trust,
  • Elicit openness,
  • Gain a sharing of ideas and thoughts, and
  • Obtain more valid information about your spouse and their issues.
Thousands of couples have successfully used this plan to communicate more effectively with their spouse.
These proven strategies have helped them achieve:
  • The good listening "ground rules", including:
    • Don't interrupt.
    • Don't change the subject or move in a new direction.
    • Don't rehearse in your own head.
    • Don't interrogate.
    • Don't teach.
    • Don't give advice.
    • Do reflect back to the speaker what you understand and how you think the speaker feels
  • Non-judgmental and empathic listening skills
  • Not being stuck on the same issues for years and years.
  • Not being afraid to bring up issues.
  • A feeling of being listened to and better understood.
  • An end to loneliness.
  • An end to bickering.
  • Much less nagging. A significant reduction of marital stress.
  • A sense of control of their financial lives.
  • An appreciation of their personal contribution.
  • Clarity about their true underlying marital issues.
  • Marital harmony through tackling financial issues.
  • Mutual financial goals and dreams.
  • A practical financial plan.