3 Most Common Misconceptions Women Have About Marriage
- For a woman, context is everything. The words matter much less than how they are said, when they are said, who said them and in front of whom, what day of the week it was, what was the time of day, what she was wearing at the time, who was there and who wasn’t there, and where the four moons of Jupiter were orbiting at that moment. Women believe that men are like this too. Men are not. For men, words are what matter. If he says “fine,” he means “fine.” If he says he is tired, he is tired. He does not mean that he feels misunderstood in the relationship and is not feeling connected right now, but is too exasperated to deal with it because of a lingering frustration, which has been festering for months about his wife’s lack of sensitivity to his needs. He is just tired.
- Women believe that men think about the relationship. They feel that when they are apart from them, their husbands sometimes sit and ponder the marriage. The only time men do this is when there is a fight. And then only sometimes, if forced to. The corollary to this is that women believe, if their husbands do not think about the relationship, there is something wrong with the relationship. But men compartmentalize their lives. Work is work, golf is golf, marriage is marriage. Men only think about their relationship when they are in the relationship compartment. This is not a reflection on the relationship; it is a reflection on men.
- Women believe that if men do not discuss their problems with them, then that is a negative reflection of the success of the relationship. Women feel much closer when they talk out their issues. The process of connecting helps women sort out their inner strife. Women insist that their husbands do the same. They think to themselves, “What kind of relationship is this if my husband can’t share his issues with me?” The trouble is that, when a woman insists that a man talk out his issues with her, he now has two problems to deal with: 1) The initial problem, and 2) The new relationship problem that has developed because he does not want to talk it out. Men deal with issues differently than women. Women have to respect the fact that, when a man talks out an issue while it is still a volatile emotion, it usually exasperates the issue. It is not necessarily a reflection of the relationship.