Differences Between Men And Women – And How To Connect To Your Spouse
Men and women are very very different.
Women are relationship beings, men are not.
Women use words to connect, to build relationship.
Men don’t connect with words. They connect by experiencing together.
I might get a bunch of guys together to watch the game. We’ve been together a really long time and we’re very close.
Come hockey season, we’ll go and watch one of the playoff games, drink a few beers and punch each other on the arm and say, “Yaay score.” Hugs all around, and then we go home.
I get home and my wife asks, “How was it?”
“Great I love those guys,” I say.
“So what did you talk about?” she asks.
I respond, “What do you mean what did we talk about?”
This is not how men bond!
Men may be on sports teams together. They’re in the army, they do projects together, they experience life together – that’s how they bond.
Women use words to connect, with lots and lots of details.
Let’s look at this now from another perspective.
The man comes home and asks, “Hey honey how was work today?”
And she’ll say something like “Well, this morning when I got up it looked like it might rain so I wasn’t sure whether or not to take my umbrella.”
And then, all of a sudden, the man’s brain is buzzing.
“What did that have to with what I asked,” he’s thinking. “I asked how work was and she’s talking about the weather. I don’t get it.”
What he doesn’t get is that she’s building context, she’s making connections and the words are the connection.
The Solution: Compromise
What’s the solution?
Compromise is imperative. And it has to go both ways, of course.
The woman has to understand that her husband doesn’t naturally use words to connect, and he’s going to have to use words to connect (although maybe not as many as his wife would use).
And the man will have to understand that his wife is going to open up and go into more details, to make that connection.
Do men ever use details? Of course.
If you ask them about their golf games or their business, they’ll probably use lots of details.
A man will use those details because he thinks that the information he’s giving over is very interesting. So he’s imparting interesting information.
But the mistake a woman will make generally is, “Wow, he’s using details because he wants to connect. But those details are kind of boring.” Nevertheless, because she’s committed to the connection, she listens attentively.
So here’s where the compromise comes.
Men: you need to start giving more details and forging that connection.
Women: you have to open yourself up to his details and guide him on how to make that connection. But you’ll have to realise that you’re not talking to a woman; he’s a man and the details will be much different (and much less).