Is A Happy Wife A Happy Life?
(HW course 2/12)
Homework and practical tools
Tools for Men to Better Understand Their Spouses
So what can we do to better understand how your spouse thinks and feels? Here are a few tools. Let’s start with the men.
1. When your wife reacts to a situation that seems inappropriate to you, instead of saying, “Why did you do that?” or “I can’t even believe you just reacted that way,” ask her in as nice a way a possible, how that situation triggered her response. Then be curious. At a movie, for example, if she’s crying, you can ask, “Hey honey, what is it that caused that response?” Never say something like, “It’s not that big of a deal.” It may not be that big of deal for you, but it is to her. Instead, tell her that you “want to understand her reaction.”
2. If your wife is crying over something that you perceive as trivial, think to yourself what situation would make you sob? Would it be a death in the family? Sickness? Some kind of valuable loss? Then you can better realize that this is what she’s feeling. It’s not a pretend emotion, she’s really feeling that way. Look at her heightened sensitivity. She’s amazing, so be awed by it. It doesn’t take a death to make her feel that deeply. Isn’t that incredible?
3. If you blow it, apologize! Remove your ego and tell your wife you’re sorry for causing her pain. If you don’t really understand how you caused her that pain, then ask her to explain exactly how you blew it. Learn from it and then just move on. I do this a lot with my wife. If I do something that upsets her and I don’t really get how it upset her, instead of getting frustrated and saying, “Why did you over-react?” I ask her, “Honey, please explain to me what I did so I can learn from it?” Then apologize and move on.
Tools for Women to Better Understand Their Spouses
Now what can women do to better understand and think their husbands?
1. If you can’t believe that your husband could act like that in a situation, it’s most likely he didn’t. Most likely it was an innocent mistake. Think about how
you would like to be treated when you make a mistake? Then ask him; find out what he thinks about what happened.
2. Try not to read into things that he says. Take his words at face value. If you don’t understand what he means, don’t fly off the handle. Just stop and ask him, “Did you really mean this?”
3. Men desperately need and want to feel respected by their wives. If you can show your husband respect in an area where you do respect him, that will make a huge difference. He doesn’t constantly have to hear about where you don’t respect him, hear about it. It’s a positive cycle: if he feels respected by you, he will act in a manner that’s will be worthy of more respect because, remember, he really wants and needs your respect.