Relationships Are About The Little Things – Don’t Underestimate The Power Of A Small Gesture


There is greatness in a seemingly small gesture.

Most of marriage is filled with sharing mundane tasks. If you are looking to constantly capture huge moments to signify the greatness of your relationship, you will miss out on the real preciousness of marital connections.

A great marriage is built on the sum total of these small daily connections. It is hidden in your understanding the true power of the small gesture. 

Most of one’s unhappiness is caused by unrealized expectations. You really thought that your marriage was going to be different, and that your spouse was going to be different.

When you were single, perhaps you had an idea about what marriage was going to be like, but then when you got married, you realized very quickly that marriage was not at all like what you thought it was going to be.

Something changed after you got married; something was different.

It is really difficult to live in a marriage where you are constantly experiencing unrealized expectations.

You have to come to terms that your marriage is what it is, and it is very rarely exactly what you wished it was going in. It is still great, just different. 

You may have had had dreams about what your spouse was going to turn out to be like, how your spouse would treat you, how he or she is going to feel about you, and how you are going to feel in return.

After the honeymoon period ended, you started to see who you really married, how your spouse acted and treated you.

As time passed, you may have looked at your spouse disapprovingly because you hoped that your spouse would stay the same, and not grow wider, older, poorer or even richer.

Or perhaps you dreamed that you would change, and your spouse stayed his or her same old self. You hoped your spouse would change for you, or that you would actually be able to change your spouse. 

 These dreams and hopes are mere fantasies. They are not real. They are just wishes, yearnings, and longings.

You need instead to accept the marriage for what it is right now.

You can only grow together step-by-step, on real ground. Everyday you will take small steps together. Very quickly those small steps add up to a significant journey that the two of you will have traveled…together.

 The secret to a great marriage is the small gesture that you are going to do next.  

Don’t think that it is not a big deal, that it will not make much of a difference. That small gesture, coupled with the next small gesture, added to a weeks worth of small gestures, all add up towards an extraordinary marriage.  

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Debby - July 17, 2018

What about if you just wanted to be treated nicely, meaning not being overly criticised when you don’t get it the way he wants it. Having a little help when you need to pack up to move countries, not just having a spouse who falls asleep on you while you’re working hard and then criticises you for being over the luggage allowance and speaking to his mother about you behind your back about it.
Is it ok to just accept a husband who when you’ve just given birth and come home hides himself behind a newspaper, gets in to bed for his shabbes shluf without considering the fact that you’re in pain and have spent the night feeding a newborn?
Do I just accept the marriage as it is. Is it too much to expect that at your daughter’s bas mitzvah, which was prepared for hours with hard work, sweat and effort that one’s husband although he’s had a hard day at work he sits in the corner, moody and complains that he has to look after the young kids for a few minutes while his wife tries desperately to finish preparing (she’s cooked and baked everything herself because it needs to be low budget?

Please could you answer something I’m just curious about? Why is this website called ‘happywife”? Is it only for wives to refer too? It looks like a website for marriages.
I realise I do be upset….I am

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